I am sitting emotionally quaking in my chair as I write, scolding myself for lost ground and then reminding myself that it is all about moving forward.
There I was yesterday at the local warehouse sized store. It was a daily 94 degrees and humid. Plus my family is in heart breaking turmoil right now with changes happening. So there I was checking out at the register and pleased with the items in my cart. The food bar was in my view and I thought, "I really want something cold and cheap...a reward.....because it is not about never having things again. It is about choices."
Yep I really did. I ordered the $1.50 3 scoop chocolate chip gelato and sat down. I enjoyed it. It was cool and tasty, though not as satisfying as I remembered from the past. As is typical for me in this new lifestyle, I sneezed up a storm as the (sugar or dairy, I haven't figured which is the trigger) entered my system. My sinuses filled and throbbed as I toyed with finishing it off or throwing it out. Crazy in retrospect that it was a question to ponder.
I looked it up later and found it to be 551 calories. Not as bad as I thought it would be and the scale didn't yell at me so I figured I would be okay.
Boy was I wrong!
Last night and today have been the worst. My cravings are back in full force. I have had to go to the store 3 times in the last 24 hours for various things in preparation for feeding my husband's Hood 2 Coast team that is running this weekend. Each store visit finds me almost panicked seeing the stuff that I had lost interest in but now with the sugar dose in me...pictures of food are swirling in my head. It is awful! My smart sense and reasoning are absent as I read the tabloid "diet" titles at the check out lane and wonder if I should try something else instead of what I am doing for more results. How crazy is that?
And I feel so irritable and sad.
Granted the family heartaches really are a big deal and it is enough to make anyone sad. But if I were to totally stay on track with correct life giving foods then I would be equipped to better handle what is happening.
Keep moving forward......
Last night my daughter and her girl friend watch a cartoon called Meet the Robinson's. I love cartoons and finding spiritual life application in them.
During the movie, the characters celebrated when the young hero failed. They said now that he failed he can keep moving forward to find the right answer. It is a very valid point. Use the failure as a stepping stone to go higher in finding the right way. It is a learning experience and it teaches me. It is not for beating myself up with and throwing a pity party in the corner.
God doesn't hold on to the past so neither should I.